Mocha’s book: Chapter sex, verse 69

INTERCOURSE | Rhoderick Maquirang TecsonThe arid field of federalism that President Rodrigo Duterte has been pushing for suddenly became wet and slippery after Communications Assistant Secretary Mocha Uson dipped her creativity on the matter by way of creating a suggestive jingle and a choreographed dance move, “pepedederalismo”.

The action of Mocha, a former sexy performer, was done after she declared that she will be going around to campaign for federalism, which of course drew a storm of criticism.

Communications Assistant Secretary Mocha Uson
Communications Assistant Secretary Mocha Uson

Expectedly, the perennial critics of the administration voraciously attacked Mocha’s role and even her person highlighting her sexy starlet brain.

Some imputed malice on her apparent extra-closeness with the President. Despite the several unexcusable blunders she has committed in the performance of her official functions as member of the communications group of the administration, she got no reprimand from the socialist President who has publicly declared his fondness to sexy women.

We can only speculate then and be comforted of the possibilities between the lies and truths about Mocha and her connection to the man who believed he is more intelligent than God but one thing is certain, each time she undresses her mind and mouth, an exciting chapter is revealed along the verses. It’s indeed a book of Mocha.

Who will not be entertained by her “pepe-dede-ralismo” antics? Imagine a serious national policy that could change the political and economic landscape of the country miserably pushed by a sexually-suggestive jingle. All the suit-savvy technocrats crafting the technical grounds of the Duterte Federalism are suddenly put on the spot not knowing how to react.

Even the late Senator Blas Ople might have swallowed the filter of his cigarette inside his grave.

I was caught off-guard. The journo blood in me would like to raise hell against the somewhat blasphemous act of Mocha but the marketing side in me would like to understand her from where she came. It’s hard to react and counter.

I mean we cannot expect someone who sleeps as a dancer and capitalizes her cleavage, and camel-toe to gain the attention of the crowd to wake up as a cabinet member and act like one.

Mocha should be appreciated per her value. She is an artist now dressed as a cabinet member. Without any proper guidance, Mocha will do things according to her frame of mind especially if nobody is allowed to admonish or even make her understand the complications of her actions.

The funny part though is how she tweaked the cold mood of the debate on federalism to something playfully sexy. No matter how she claims that those who criticized her are malicious, her craft orientation as an artist suggests that “pepe” refers to the vagina and “dede” alludes to the breast in her “pepedederalismo” chant.

Closing my eyes, I have the vision of the Duterte created commission crafting the rules on federalism on session with Mocha holding her vagina and sagging breasts chanting “pepedederalismo”.

I can’t help but laugh. No, burst into a hearty laugh. As they say, you will get what you pay for. We are paying a sexy dancer-singer more than P100 thousand a month to render her service as part of the communications group of the President. What can we expect then?

We have seen Mocha in her best on stage gyrating and intimating sexually-suggestive dance moves. We have also seen her trying her best to communicate to the Filipino people the actions of the Duterte administration by spreading fake news and lies.

The truth, however, from the perspective of marketing, Mocha was able to hit the nail right on its head. She delivered federalism right to the door steps of every Juan de la Cruz. One thing lacking though, her message has no meaning.

It was not long time ago when she posted online the picture of the Honduran Army praying and claimed that it was the Philippine Army and a memorandum she issued that became viral because of her kindergarten grammar.

So what’s new? In these times of state-sponsored murders and lies perpetuated by the Dutere regime, let’s all enjoy reading Mocha’s book, chapter sex, verse 69. I assure you it’s one hell of a relief.

As to why is Mocha still there? Verse 69 is probably deliriously delicious. Why not ask Mr. Duterte?